Thursday, 2 July 2015
So hello everyone as you all know living with PH it is very scary and you don't really know what is going to happen each day you just have to take it day by day , it's a scary process but you learn to deal with it all after a while. There's times where you just want to scream but then if you scream you will probably end up out of breathe which isn't so fun trust me haha , you want to brave for everybody because you don't want to feel like your letting your loved ones down , just lately i have been in fear each and every day on whats going to happen to me i hate it , i have these thoughts in my head that im boring everyone around me when they are always telling me im not. I never believe people i dont know why i really dont amd i think thats what is the most annoying thing about it all. I want to be able to go out by myself even just for a walk. But i cant im in a wheelchair due to my PH and my other health problems and i have to rely on other people to take me out. All my mates are always telling me about what plans they have and in some way i get jealous wishing i could do all them things. The most important thing about having PH is that you never let it control your life because thats when people start thinking there is nothing else to fight for when actually there is , we want to beat PH and not let this disease take us away infact no we NEED to beat PH. We are not alone in this world we have plenty of people to talk to. I am going to speak to a counsellor soon about everything and try and build my confidence back up because about 4 months ago in about febuary time i got rushed into hospital with very near heart failure and my life was in the balance i was in hospital altogether for 6 weeks and spent 17 days in intensive care on the C PAP machine which gives you pressure into your lungs aswell as putting oxygen into your body. Ever since ive been out ive not been myself i personally think its because i never actually got time to cry or anything because it was all going like a rollercoaster and now its still part of recovery as i am sleeping downstairs because im not able to get into my room. I managed to get up 2 times in 4 months but then payed for it the next day. I want to be my random self again i used to be able to know what to say all the time and just lately i dont know what to say.